TJ's Rules
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A new gym member asked me recently what the rules of the gym are, outside of the normal stuff regarding memberships, hours, etc.
I responded as I usually do, “I know what I don’t like, and you’ll know it when you do it.”
Now remember, I think I am one of the—if not the—funniest, most irreverent gym owners alive today.
Some people might think I’m a passive-aggressive Peter Pan type with moments of levity.
So maybe that line didn’t land well with the new person, so maybe I decided to finally put the rules down on paper now that we have one location, and I can finally persuade (demand?) our community to agree with at least most of them.
First off, I need to clarify my intentions.
I have a simple goal: To build a cathedral of strength and conditioning for the people of Marin County that is as organized as it is vibrant.
Once you’ve stopped your eye-rolling, hear me out.
I want a place for us, by us, and with us.
A place where the old guard and rookies, alike, feel welcomed and inspired.
I’m at a constant clash with myself between utilitarianism and vogue, but I’m also open to any and all suggestions.
There have always been the “TJ’s Rules” for our gyms:
Put it back better than you found it, don’t be that guy, and be respectful. In other words, treat the people, equipment and space as if you own the place.
These rules hopefully kept things in order when we had multiple facilities with ownership present sporadically at each one.
If I caught you breaking one of these unwritten rules, I might jokingly expose you in front of the group. Remember, I think I’m funny.
After being scolded for this by members, family, strangers, you name it, I slowly changed my ways and began communicating individually as professionally as I could.
Here’s an example of a link I sent to someone who got “CrossFitty” with their chalk use.
SO FUNNY, RIGHT!?
Luckily, this person has a great sense of humor.
So, let me finally get these rules down on paper like a true professional, OK?
Chalk- I hate it. It makes the Valhalla of fitness messy. I don’t like messy. But, it has its uses and so therefore I allow it, begrudgingly. Chalk rules are as follows: Chalk gets applied INSIDE the buckets. Not over, not around. You stick your hands in the buckets, rub the appropriate amount on your hands, clap off the excess INSIDE THE BUCKET, and get back to your workout. Once the workout is over, there should be zero evidence that you used chalk. Bars, floors, benches, plates, rig parts, kettlebells etc. We have mops, spritzy bottles, hand wipes, metal brushes for bars, all of which make the this vermin disappear. Chalk should be used like a condiment, and it should viewed like vegan restaurants. I know they’re out there, I have a friend of a friend who uses them, I just don’t want to know about it. Oh, and no teens get to use chalk, ever, ever, ever.
Standing On Benches- I hate throwing away perfectly useful stuff. When my grandfather died and we had to empty his garage, there was a fully framed house worth of perfectly good lumber in there. He also had five ten-gallon buckets of those cool metal, flip top, Zippos lighters. He acquired this stuff from family and friends over 50 years, because he found it too valuable to just toss. What was he planning on using it for? Who knows, but I got the genes. I’m not a hoarder, but I can’t help thinking that one day that old iron barbell rack could come in handy for something. It’s why I have next-to-no old clothes and ten furniture dollies. Nobody wants them on Craigslist. When you stand on a bench, eventually the fabric tears or the plywood weakens, and the bench becomes unstable. There is no fix. You just have to buy a new one. They aren’t horribly expensive, but it’s an unnecessary waste. We have 20 different hard and soft boxes that are literally meant to be jumped, stepped up on, and stood on. Do me and my agita a favor, and don’t stand on the benches.
Don’t Drop The Wrong Stuff, Only The Right Stuff- This one is confusing for new folks, which is understandable. I will try to make this as simple as I can. You can drop barbells with 15-pound plates or more on the bars. You can also drop medicine balls and bodyfat. That’s it. Here’s an easy rule: If you are unsure, DON’T DROP IT. Then, ask a coach if you can. Simple as that. In the early days of CrossFit culture, it became a distorted, and in my opinion distasteful, practice that supposedly you knew what you were doing if you dropped or threw down on the ground every single thing you could get your hands on. Unloading your bench press? BOOM! Done swinging a kettlebell? CRASH! I believe it was a sign to everyone that you are the sh!$ and everyone should know it. Here’s what you can’t drop: Barbells with 10-pound plates, kettlebells, dumbbells, empty barbells, benches, rowers, clips, plates by themselves, J cups, and everything else at the gyms.
Don’t Be A Clunker- A flat tire, an energy sucker, an illiterate room reader. You might think I’m talking about an introvert or someone who doesn’t say much. Oh no, my friends. The person I’m talking about is, what do the kids call it? Extra. Ok, let’s be honest. I’m the main attraction. It’s my job to educate you, motivate you, and keep you on a time line, all while trying to entertain you to some degree. This is supposed to be the best hour of your day, and therefore it sometimes needs all of us to participate in our own ways to make sure this happens. We need to be courteous, conscientious, and participatory. You should ask questions, be organized, and hustle to make sure you get the maximum benefit. I find my opportunities to interject facts, stories, and additional tips and pointers to enhance your experience. This has been my practice for the last 31 years, because straight fitness talk for an hour sucks. I love the banter back and forth. I love to ask questions to stimulate a discussion. On the other hand, there can sometimes be “that guy.” You know, the one who tries to out-funny me while at the same time doesn’t have any of his stuff set up so we all have to wait? The one who interrupts my story with his own and then a minute later asks “What’s an AMRAP?” You might be funnier than me, probably are. You might have a better story than me. Probably do. I’m just asking you to read the room and for the sake of everyone else, don’t be that guy.
The Hoarder Bar Load- This used to have a more offensive term that won’t get me cancelled today but most likely will in the future. It’s pretty simple: If you have 25 pounds worth of weight on your bar, you should have a 25lb plate and not 2, 10’s and 5’s. To most of you, this is as obvious as any of the other rules, but you would be surprised. We have the perfect amount of equipment for a large group, and if you’re absentmindedly squirreling away all the plates, we have a TSwift-ticket-like crisis situation on our hands.
Don’t shake or drink out of a protein shaker in the gym. Unless you are prepared to do some mopping. They are the worst designed items in the history of the world, and they drip all over the place, which stains the floor and stinks to high Heaven in a couple of hours.
Dirty hiking shoes. Some of you love walking up and down hills in the dirt. Sometimes it’s muddy when you do it. Mud dries and becomes dirt, and when you wear the same shoes to the gym, I get my own mini Mt. Tam in dozens of tiny piles. Please knock the dirt off before you come in.
Don’t tie knots in jump ropes. It breaks them, and I have provided 2000 different lengths of jump ropes, so there’s no need. Get yourself organized sooner, so you’re not scrambling right before the workout starts.
Wall ball seams face out -It looks great, and it’s easier to see the numbers on the shelf this way. Super practical.
Kettlebells go in the appropriate, color coded area- because, why shouldn’t they?
Rogue Bikes stay put- They are in a great place and don’t need to be moved 10 feet closer to your bar. You’re doing that so you don’t have to share a bike, and I see right through that junk. Sharing is caring.
Rowers- Are allowed outside but always back them in. Replacing the front posts is expensive, and you jamming them up the ramp breaks my heart. Yes, bike ergs are allowed outside for now.
No equipment in the drive through lane - Literally happened yesterday when someone left their kettlebells in the lane, and Nick and I watched in disbelief as they sat on their rower and WATCHED as our neighbor tried to squeeze their car around them. You’re wrong, and I feel justified in talking to you like you’re six if you do something like that. Also, we have had many items stolen because of members leaving their equipment outside. When you’re done, do a quick visual sweep.
I love me a good rat- As I’ve heard it said before and repeated numerous times, Don’t do YOUR best, Do MY best. It takes a village, and I love it when someone slides me the info I need. If it works in maximum security penitentiaries and gangs, then it works for me.
Hopefully this was helpful, and unlike the Constitution, this will be an ever-growing and living document, which I will publish once annually with the latest updates. If I’ve missed something, please don’t hesitate to rat me out.
In all seriousness…thank you for making an effort!
~TJ